I say “ridiculous” a ridiculous amount of times

This morning I hit the snooze on my alarm a ridiculous number of times. It was already set for a ridiculously late time of day to be getting out of bed. Then I ended up laying in bed for a ridiculous length of time after turning off my alarm. I then took ridiculously long to get dressed. My breakfast took a ridiculous amount of time to get through. Well it shouldn’t be referred to as breakfast since it was ridiculously late in the day. I then took ridiculously long to get going after having some coffee. I did end up doing some gardening because my 94 year old grandmother was trying to do it, and it would have been ridiculous to allow that. My household chores took a ridiculous amount of time to get started. Now it’s ridiculously late in the day for me to not have things finished.

What I’ve realized is that I’m actually not feeling all that bad. Lately, I’ve barely been feeling depressed on a daily basis. The low moods are coming and going. But it’s becoming apparent to me that I’m very accustom to being depressed.

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2 comments

  1. Dear,,

    Hi.. please introduce myself,,My name is Hwang Cho Ryeon,,I am Asian,24 years old. I am unemployed. I have been fired from the job I was in twice. I can hardly find any other job bcs of my bad working experience on my cv.
    Since then, I realized that I am a slow learner. I was fired bcs I did mistakes for so many times and didn’t understand the instructions properly.

    Well, I have big problem with learning new thing. I used to be a very hardworker but still there always be some flaws on my work. My supervisor always mad at me like, “I’ve said it so many times!”. They did right thing. I didnt blame my previous supervisors who fired me. All I am blaming is my ability of learning and understanding.

    Because of this,I know my weakness well. This leads me to have a terrible feeling when it comes to talk to someone, I’m always getting nervous and panic when I have to explain something. That’s one of the reason why I got fired. I have bad communication skill. Why, because I am afraid if I’m doing wrong.

    Ever since the last day of my working, I haven’t applied for any job yet. I have traumatic feeling about getting fired. My mom always scold me and asking why I’m not looking for another Job. In fact, I never told this to anyone before include, (especially) my parents. I told them that my contract was terminated because I had to handle another job outside my Job desc. I didn’t tell them the honest reason.

    I can’t even share this to my bestfriends bcs they are the people I am envy with. They are the people I wish I could be. They are now having good position in their company with good salary. I feel so much intimidated when we go out for cinema or just hanging out,, they’re all proudly spending their self-earn money and sharing their working experience. Meanwhile, I am still using my parent’s money,, and the leftover money from my last salary.Things are getting harder for me when they ask what my daily activities are. In fact Im just doing nothing at home.

    I keep telling lies to everyone. I am really afraid to tell the truth and to be judged. Having myself as a slow learner has already become the most hurtful thing I have to face.

    Now I am fighting so much againts my own anxiety and low self esteem. I am so afraid what if I never get a proper job.
    I am really expecting for you to do me a favor about what to do? What am I supposed to do ?
    I am so much thankful for your help..

    Best Regards
    Hwang Cho Ryeon

    1. Hwang Cho Ryeon

      I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. While I may not be the best person to give career advice since I happen to be unemployed myself, I do have experience with being fired from, as well as choosing to leave, past employers.
      In the past, I attempted to work jobs in which my duties were not aligned with my particaular skill sets. While they may have seemed easy for other people, it was not the case for me because I did not have those same skills, and often did not enjoy the work.
      The first thing I can recommend you do is to write out a list of things you enjoy. They do not necessarily have to be employement related tasks, they can be as insignificant as watching Spongbob. If there is nothing that you currently enjoy, think back to a time when you did and write those things down. Then, create a second list of things you know you are good at doing. This can be anything from writing essays to playing rockband. Having a strong sense of your likes and strengths plays a big role in knowing what you want to do.
      Your issue at your past job may not be tied to your perception that you are a slow worker. I happen to have serious ADD and will often make mistakes because of it, sometimes even forgetting to do certain tasks. You may have been making mistakes with work because you were distractred by your anxiety and low self-esteem. I don’t know what is available in your area, but many places have local mental health programs at little or no cast. Local colleges and vocational schools also have testing that can detect certain learning disabilities. There are also many available resources online. Though if you end up going the internet route, try to use certified educational websites. There are many resources out there that give only partially accurate information and lead people to self-diagnosis that may be inaccurate.
      Having people around for emotional and social support is very important. Out of your friends and family there may be one or two people who can be helpful in those areas. Perhaps someone you know has had similar experiences and might be willing to offer advice. I would also recommend not lying to people you know about your current circumstances. You do not need to share everything with everyone (it’s not everyone’s business), but people appreciate and respect honesty.
      Another resource that might be helpful to you in finding the right career for you is taking a personality test. Some people disagree with the validity of personaliy tests but I’ve found them quite helpful. The one I’d recommend is Myers-Briggs. You can usually find a good one online by googling “Myers-Briggs personality test”. Choose one of the longer tests to get a more accurate read on your personality. Also, avoid taking one on an entertainment site and try to find a legitimate source.
      I hope some of this is helpful to you and things begin to improve.

      Vita Fey

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